Fertile Friends
Everyone has friends. And each friendship comes with its own set of common interests. Outlet shopping, going out for coffee, skiing, drinking, etc. Really that's what you want in a friendship, isn't it? Things you can do together and/or things to talk about? You also want to have a similar lifestyle as your friends. If you're single, you want your friends to be single. If you're in a relationship, you want your friends in a relationship. And when you have a baby, you want your friends to have a baby. So much so, that you encourage it, offer advice, ask how it's going. But once that baby is here, there is no guarantee that you'll still be friends.
The friend-baby thing is pretty tricky....
For one thing, you want your friend to have a similar parenting style as you. I'm the type of mom that likes bringing my daughter places. Sure it takes a little longer to get where we're going, and sometimes we can't stay as long (or sometimes longer) then I had planned, but I'd rather have her with me then leave her with a sitter. (Plus its important for her development to experience new things and new situations.) So I definitely want my mommy-friends to want to bring their little ones along as well, and not always be encouraging me to get a sitter and go out solo. After all, there are lots of times - and lots of events - where it is impractical or impossible to bring Arianna with me. I'd rather reserve my sitter for those instances.
Second, you're not going to agree on everything. But you and your friend need to respect each others differing parenting. For example, based on varying reports I've read (here's one), I don't plan on having meat or fish be a staple food in my daughter's diet until she's at least three. So I definitely don't want my mommy-friends serving nothing but hot dogs, fish sticks, and McDonald's on play dates. And while I don't agree on allowing older infants/toddlers to use pacifiers, I will bite my tongue and wash off your kids paci everytime it hits the floor. Simply of course, because I'm a good friend.
Third thing, is that you and your mommy-friend need to be on the same page with offering advice/criticisms. Let's be realistic here - you can't be brutally honest with every friend you have. And they can't all be brutally honest with you. Hearing a criticism from friend A might be okay, but hearing the same thing from friend B might be grounds for a duel. So you guys need to find a good balance. Such as bringing up only really important things and saying them in the most nonjudgmental way possible.
In every mommy-friendship, there are deal-breakers. If you spank or beat your child, we won't be spending much time together. If we don't respect each others parenting styles, it's not going to work. If our kids don't get along, or are bad influences on each other, ties are severed.
And the bittersweet thing about all this - is that it's okay to lose friends for your family.
The friend-baby thing is pretty tricky....
For one thing, you want your friend to have a similar parenting style as you. I'm the type of mom that likes bringing my daughter places. Sure it takes a little longer to get where we're going, and sometimes we can't stay as long (or sometimes longer) then I had planned, but I'd rather have her with me then leave her with a sitter. (Plus its important for her development to experience new things and new situations.) So I definitely want my mommy-friends to want to bring their little ones along as well, and not always be encouraging me to get a sitter and go out solo. After all, there are lots of times - and lots of events - where it is impractical or impossible to bring Arianna with me. I'd rather reserve my sitter for those instances.
Second, you're not going to agree on everything. But you and your friend need to respect each others differing parenting. For example, based on varying reports I've read (here's one), I don't plan on having meat or fish be a staple food in my daughter's diet until she's at least three. So I definitely don't want my mommy-friends serving nothing but hot dogs, fish sticks, and McDonald's on play dates. And while I don't agree on allowing older infants/toddlers to use pacifiers, I will bite my tongue and wash off your kids paci everytime it hits the floor. Simply of course, because I'm a good friend.
Third thing, is that you and your mommy-friend need to be on the same page with offering advice/criticisms. Let's be realistic here - you can't be brutally honest with every friend you have. And they can't all be brutally honest with you. Hearing a criticism from friend A might be okay, but hearing the same thing from friend B might be grounds for a duel. So you guys need to find a good balance. Such as bringing up only really important things and saying them in the most nonjudgmental way possible.
In every mommy-friendship, there are deal-breakers. If you spank or beat your child, we won't be spending much time together. If we don't respect each others parenting styles, it's not going to work. If our kids don't get along, or are bad influences on each other, ties are severed.
And the bittersweet thing about all this - is that it's okay to lose friends for your family.
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