Things I said I'd never do

Before I had kids, I made a list of things I would never, ever do or let my kids do. Tantrum in a supermarket? Not my kid. Put them in front of the TV and hide in a closet eating cookies? Never. Let my daughter think she was a princess? I'd rather lose a finger.

Strong declarations of parenting for sure.

Until I had kids and was handed a nice big, hot humble pie. Which I have since been eating slices from for years.

I have a folder on my computer of things I've written over the years and just stumbled upon this gem from my second pregnancy:

"Dear Baby,

I know you are going to be one of the most beautiful beings on this planet. I know you will do silly, funny things and I'll want to tell the whole world or snap a picture. And in this world of social media sharing, I probably could. Like the other moms on social media. But no matter how f'in cute you are, I swear I will follow these posting rules:

1. If you are in any way covered in food, your picture will not be shared. I'll admit that on occasion a dirty toddler in a high chair covered in ice cream is adorable, but I won't subject you to it.

2. If you are dirty, your picture will not be shared. (This kind of coincides with #1.)

3. If you are naked, your picture will not be shared. There's nothing cute about seeing someone with a washcloth between their legs.

4. Your every move will not be posted online. That means there's going to be no daily uploads.

5. If your pet dies, a photograph of their dead body will not be posted online. I know this is a really weird thing to even say, but I've seen other people do it. And trust me, I can't get that image of the poor dead (disgusting) fish on the napkin out of my head."

Three pieces of humble pie here. Dirty, food covered and daily pictures abound. I stand firm on my naked stance though. Also the dead animals... because, really, who does that?